can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
