it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
