You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm having to shit out rocks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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