I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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