I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
