So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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