I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
