There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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