I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
