I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
