my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
