And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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