i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
