we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
