I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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