I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize