so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
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