I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
