That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
