So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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