i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
