Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
