I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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