The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize