I'll bet she douches with gravy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
