when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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