Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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