put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
