First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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