He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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