3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think about you every night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.