Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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