just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
