her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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