Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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