i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We named our party play list daddy issues
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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