Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
