When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
