I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
