I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
