i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize