Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
