i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
