Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
