I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
