new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i now understand why vodka
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
