if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
