I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
