Cold hands, warm shart.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
