first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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