If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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