Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
