So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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