just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
