you guys were way drunker than both of me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
