i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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