tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
