he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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