I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
