its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He better not be in your backpack
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
