life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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