I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
