guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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