sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
