just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
