I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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