WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I want a musical about memes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
