Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You can't just leave with hair like that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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