Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
